7/30/2003 01:03:39 PM|||Travis||| Another high blood sugar today.. its pretty much been over 300 for the entire day. I feel lethargic and drained, my breath is drawn out and exasperated. I know also that there is intra-vein damage occuring, and that sucks. I don't want to become a "brittle diabetic."
And so the reality of diabetes, the "reality" that I thought I could change/overcome (and perhaps I still might!) is creeping back upon me like a fart that you try to walk away from. Perhaps a *drastic* reduction in the amount of insulin that I take is a good first step to curing the disease, which is going to take longer than a week.
Although I will never forget the week where my insulin levels dropped so amazingly low. For around 8 hours, I wasn't on insulin anymore and was doing fine. And there was a marked dropping effect leading up to this creshendo that led me to believe that my insulin requirements could be lowered all the way to nill. I wonder if my manic, rampant thoughts had anything to do with it? perhaps.....
And so already today I have taken 7 units of Humolog (ugh, I hate taking insulin ever since I glimpsed life without it) and am going to get back on the Lantus tomorrow by taking it tonight. Perhaps Lantus alone can control my sugars? That would be a vast improvement over the rapid spikes and dips offered by Humolog. In a way Humolog is bad because it is synthesized to accomodate a high-carb lifestyle. It rapidly decreases sugar levels so that you have to eat something fast acting to accomodate the insulin, or else you will go into a horrid hypoglycemic state.
Self regulating hormones, as you can see, is an artform. What is interesting to me is the relationship I have percieved with the mind and the body- seeminly the closer I feel to the divine, the better my body does. Its almost as if there is a struggle in my body between the good/bad, where the good is my body reporcuding islet cells and the bad is the destruction of said cells for unknown reasons. Yogis belive that Diabetes is a psycosematic disorder... perhaps is it. I have been on insulin so long that my body _needs_ it. So for now I am going to concentrate on just lowering the amount as much as possible, hopefully stimulating the growth of some of my islet cells. Its going to be a slow and steady process, I just have to stick with my convictions and gut feelings.
On a side note, Jennifer dragged me to court today for a DUI she got during our first night sleeping together. It was a pretty shitty sight to behold, as the judge was harsh with her, as her case was a strange one. She got a minor driving under the influence infraction, which is there not because she couldn't operate the vehicle (which is the case if your BAC is over .08) but to deter other minors for drinking. She now can't drive her car for another year, but since she is going to France in two weeks she should be OK.
Court is a very interesting place indeed. It seems very archaic to me, as if there was a real need for something like this a century ago but now it seemed somewhat out of place, expecially at the traffic violation level. Here are all these people with minor crimes- selling things on the street, speeding, smoking pot, drinking underage- stuff that everyone does but few get caught for. And the Judge is there just getting through all this silly bullshit so they can run for office later on in life or possibly move up in the judge world to become a judge that actually determines important stuff- not silly stuff, such as how much Pedro should be fined for speeding or Susy for purchasing alchohol using a fake ID.
100 years ago it was a different story, as the courthouse was extremely important for ensuring that people remained civil. Balifs were the thugs, and the Judges were the preacher/power figures (you even have to "rise" when they walk into the room... are they a king?) are ordering people around. This is necessary to enforce laws in, say, the wild west. But my experiences in misdemonor court tell me that now the law is bloated, consuming silly things that the entire court system shouldn't concern itself with at all. But yet they spend a great deal of money so that Susy can get fined for trying to buy alchohol or SSammy can get fined for trying to sell some trinkets on the street.
Crazy world we live in.|||105959541950688234|||