8/25/2003 10:55:37 AM|||Travis|||

Oh, my love/hate relationship with Caffine.

On the one hand it offers highetened awareness, movitivation and determination. A certain energy that fights off drowsiness and allows you to accomplish things.

Over the long run, however, it is questionable if it even gives you more energy during the day. If you drink coffee in the morning, will you be extra-zapped in the evening, unable to do anything? Also, there are bad health side effects, such as decreased insulin sensitivity (which is really bad).

I quit cold turkey for two weeks, and now it is slowly creeping back in the form of a seven eleven ice, coffee, diet coke super combination. What can you do?

Interesting fellow in my bar yesterday, who had a great passion and vigor for life. Its hard to explain people like this. I would say they are filled with spirit. Its really hard to get them down, they are extremely friendly and always speak deeply about things when in conversation. Ranging from war movies, to traveling, to micheal jordan... we were all over the place. But he spoke with such conviction... he was one of the most interesting people in my bar to date. I didn't even charge him for his three beers.

At one point he asked what I was into, where I was going- one of those types of questions. I felt like describing myself concretely, like on my friendster profile attempts from below (I eventally went with something much lighter) but I held back. I said I liked to play basketball... and thats all I gave him. Not an accurate describtion of my life at all. I wanted to talk about meditation, enlightenment and my quest to fulfill what I percieve as my destiny... but how strange it is to talk like that. Somtimes, its as if those thoughts are meant for me alone to think and dream about, and that people just won't understand them, appreciate their beauty or that these wonderful, awe-filled thoughts will be killed by reality.

This journal is my only refuge.

Admittely, this spiritual phase I am gowing through started a mere month ago, and my daily meditation practice started only three days ago. But I have felt spiritual my whole waking life. Wrote my senior paper on the Gnostic Gospels

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