8/04/2005 10:10:00 PM|||Travis|||

Air conditioning is a wonderful thing, I would appreciate it if this condo actually had somesort of air conditioning past the fan we have setup by the window. As I type this I am slightly sweating, like a paper soft drink cup that has been sitting on your desk for 15 minutes.

How strangely out of focus everything has become. What to do, what to become and where to go.... all still unanswered questions. I see what I am doing as completely temporary now. Maybe I need massive change, like a move to a foriegn country. Zimbabway? I'll get my machette. Perhaps the steel jungle of New York. A quote from the Great Gatsby that my friend, who just headed into the beast as a lawyer, left on his AIM profile:

A dead man passed us in a hearse heaped with blooms, followed by two carriages with drawn blinds, and by more cheerful carriages for friends. The friends looked out at us with the tragic eyes and short upper lips of southeastern Europe, and I was glad that the sight of Gatsby’s splendid car was included in their sombre holiday. As we crossed Blackwell’s Island a limousine passed us, driven by a white chauffeur, in which sat three modish negroes, two bucks and a girl. I laughed aloud as the yolks of their eyeballs rolled toward us in haughty rivalry.
“Anything can happen now that we’ve slid over this bridge,” I thought; “anything at all. . . .



My biggest concern with Montana is exactly what it is reknown for- laziness. You could picture montana as the slowest place in the states. You move there, you get a big farm with a tractor and slowly watch the days fade away into golden sunsets on the wheatfields. Hard work, but not much to show for it besides some wheat. Being in a place like New York you can feel the difference. Look at how the people walk with their hurried expressions. In grand central station you can feel the push. Everyone has to get to that next train so they can make their connection so they can go go GO. It is a sense of urgency. Nobody that I work with has the same sense of urgency that I have. I want to push harder and faster, but they don't.

I guess the real question is if it is all worth it. I mean, I don't even really know what I strive for.

|||112321934853997631|||Perhaps Not Quite Yet