4/09/2006 08:38:00 PM|||Travis||| The trips that come out of nowhere always seem to be the best. My last little excursion to Seattle was no exception. Not by a long shot. I don't even remember going into the city except to pickup one of our comrades who was staying with a friend. Yay for skyscrapers. But seriously, there was no pike's market, no music festivals, no cool coffee shops or anything else remotely touristy. No no my friend there was too much boozing to do.
By the time we arrived in Seattle, three out of four of the people in the car had the shakes because we were so ready to booze. Several times we had called the house where we were going and said that we wanted shots on the table upon arrival. Several followup calls were made to make sure they were on board with this. The problem was that we didn't know Seattle. At all. So when the pregnant girl told us that she wanted us to take her to Pacific Lutheran University and we believed she knew where she was going, we trusted her like the fools we turned out to be. I finally resorted to trying to get an internet connection from my laptop while we were driving. It worked, but I lost some serious cool points due to the dorky nature of playing with my laptop in such dire times. When we finally found her boyfriend who we were going to pickup and give a ride home, we realized that prego lady had no idea how far away he lived, which turned out to be an hour in the wrong direction. Oh boy. Oh me oh my, we almost killed her and her unborn child. But they thankfully got a different ride. Tal told her to not get knocked up again. I chuckled.
Our friends were certainly not kidding about the shots on the table, its how we roll. We arrived and started downing them fast. Soon there was debauchery and then, karaoke at a dirty bar called Tiger's. We were meowing and roaring all the way there and back. At some point an old man told me that my singing sucked. I reminded him that I had the microphone and that he must listen to everything I say. He did.
Day 2 started off well. Five beers into the afternoon, Tal and I were making videos and I realized that I was still in my pants from work from the previous day. Someone's mom showed up and we tried to keep it real, until she pulled out a Zima and hung out. She left to go pickup her 16 year old daughter and we asked politely if she would get us some long necks on the way back with the big scary father who reminded us all too much of authority besides being a large, imposing full grown man.
Soon the whole family was back, long necks and all. The girl is a national athlete and was getting javelin training from an Olympian. That's legit. But somehow, someway, Tal convinces the fam to let the girl "hang out" with us until her meet the next day. Boy, what a bad bad idea. If the dad only knew the debauchery to follow, he would have grabbed his daughter and ran. Ran like the wind.
I remember finally putting on some PJ's before we hit the store to get some booze. The girls gave me some Aviators and I had a cup of joe in hand the entire time. The fuzzy slippers really added to my jackass image, and I could already see the danger I was getting myself into. The underage girl needed a body guard to protect her fragile body from the onslaught of men at the party and it was going to be me. Why I ask you, was I elected? No idea.
By the time the party started my outfit was complete. The girls mohawked the hair and I had my "I blogged your girlfriend" shirt on. The aviators were rolling as well of course, I needed to keep it real. Oh and I did. I was on. I was in the matrix. Nothing could stop me, I was faster than bullets.
The first make out happened in about 20 minutes. Someone's cousin (not mine sicko, we were in Washington not Montana) in from some other city for the party was giving me the eye. Next thing you know, some new people who don't know about our shinanigans walk to the back porch, then into the living room and say- why are their two people making out in the back? Ohhh everyone says, that's just Travy.
Oh yes, the Travy was in full effect.
My memory is a bit splotchy at this point but about 30 minutes later I am out of the front porch, with girl #2. Everyone inside is watching me. I lean in close. I smile. Inside I can hear people start taking bets- he is going for it! I bet he makes out with her!
Bam I make my move and she gives me check. I hear reactions inside. Hell no I say as I reach around and go again, complete with a hair grab. It works. People start to cheer from the inside. The girl comes around and is all over me. My god, I am invincible.
At one point someone I don't know looks at me and asks how someone in a "I blogged your girlfriend" t-shirt could possibly make out with half the girls at the party. I didn't know where to begin. I just smiled. That smile of sweet satisfaction, knowing I was the jackass I was always destined to become.
The next night was an extension of the first with several key differences. First I metup with an old friend from college who is in the Seattle tech scene and secondly our friends car got sideswiped as it was parked by a white trash family. When the cops came on the scene, we were all over them with the girls pulling out the cheesiest lines I ever heard and dropping their number repeatedly in his lap. He was legit to his credit though, and also didn't care that we all had police tape wrapped around our heads as bandanas. Nope, not even a car wreck could stop us.
As a fitting end to the journey, I received a speeding ticket while driving Tal's dad's car. It is a Mercedes Benz 420 something or other and is extremely shinny even though it was black. We were doing 100+ for quite some time, and the cop was not too happy that he had to do 115 for quite some time just to catch up. "If you were going five miles an hour faster while swerving in and out of traffic, I would be taking you to jail right now". Whoops, I gave my child-caught-in-the-cookie jar expression. When he asked why, I just looked at the dashboard, then back and him and explained- "this ride…. Its just so smooth". Needless to say, I didn't get out of the ticket.
Since my blog follows me, expect more descents into assholedom in the near future.|||114464038039711469|||Seattle Shinanigans